News Release for Rep. Diane Black

Today’s Message: @LawmakerXYZ and Eric Cantor: What’s dirtier than a #BigTobacco bailout? Nothing.

[We’re keeping this message all weekend to make sure it rings LOUD and CLEAR. By the way yesterday I noticed some of you were adding Boehner’s Twitter handle (you guys are SO good!). Truth is, I purposely left it off. Trust me, there’s reason behind my madness.]

Ahh, the dime. Isn’t it pretty? It’s a coin that is the birth of many classic phrases such as, “I’ll drop a dime on you” or “You won’t nickel and dime me” or “Hey Carlos, put down that machine gun and grab me a dime bag.” My personal favorite is, “If I had a dime for every Congressman who told me they were going to help me, I’d be a rich man.”

Good Morning! It’s Sunday, May 20, 2012 and it’s nearly 70 degrees already in Dubuque, Iowa. Thunderstorms coming later, but then a beautiful week ahead. I raise the “dime” issue because it’s true. If you and I had a dime for every time Congress told us one thing, then did another, we’d be filthy rich. We’d be Warren Buffet Rich. We would be “can’t spend it all in ten lifetimes” rich! In other words, members of Congress often times say one thing, but do another.

For instance, Rep. Diane Black (R-Tennessee), SAYS she wants to help small business, but then she DOES something else. She has introduced a bill to force the US Government to reclassify small business tobacco “retailers” as “manufacturers.” WHY does she want to do this? Well, she won’t SAY publicly. That’s kind of funny, because she issues a press release every time a water buffalo breaks wind, but she won’t issue a single public statement about why she wants to force higher taxes and regulation on Mom & Pop smoke shops. See for yourself! Click here for her website. Look there and see propaganda about her announcing the winners of a congressional art competition, stuff about how she’s “holding Congress accountable to taxpayers” (pure crap), “encouraging small business growth and job creation” (the exact opposite of what her bill HR4134 does), town hall meetings, job fairs, manure, rocky mountain oysters, and chicken lips. BUT, there’s NOTHING about her bill, HR4134 – the Big Tobacco Bailout that she’s pushing for Altria, R.J.Reynolds and other Big Tobacco interests.

It’s just so odd. Rep. Diane Black can’t wait to tell you about the sunrise and how she made it possible, but she won’t utter a PEEP about her Big Tobacco, tax raising, job killing, grave robbing legislation! YOU DON’T THINK SHE’S HIDING IT, DO YOU?!!

I did a little search on her website for the word “tobacco.” Only one reference was found, relating to how she wanted to take away a presidential slush fund because it was only being used by states to raise taxes on tobacco products, i.e., Marlboro, Camel, Winston, Salem, etc. SO… Rep Diane Black, do you care to explain? WHY are you hiding your big legislative push? You have NO OTHER BILL IN ANY CONGRESS that has gained the number of cosponsors that you currently have on HR 4134, so why are you hiding it from your voters? Why not put it front and center on your website, your $40,000 direct mail pieces, your Big Tobacco sponsored campaign commercials and signs?

Dr. Jekyll

Ms. Hyde


OK, maybe your press secretary is busy. Or maybe your chief of staff and legislative director think they’re press experts because they watched West Wing. I’ll help you out with a draft press release you can post on your site. Please submit your edits so I can learn from you. Here’s the draft:


Washington, D.C. – Today, U.S. Representative Diane Black (R-Tennessee) introduced H.R.4134, a bill to simply reclassify small tobacco shops where you can roll your own cigarettes as bonafide “tobacco manufacturing facilities” so these small businesses can either pay and follow the same taxes and regulations as the Big Tobacco manufacturers, or just go out of business. This special and filthy favor to Big Tobacco currently has the backing of dozens of lawmakers who, not coincidentally, have taken hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign cash from Big Tobacco.

“Golly, I’m just a former nurse, small business owner, and former minority-status teacher from Baltimore, Maryland who lived in the Washington, D.C. mentality for most of my working life. Then, I struck gold with a husband who suddenly became very wealthy. When we moved to Tennessee I became so bored, I decided to buy a seat in Congress so I could get back to Washington. And that’s what I did. In fact, I just forgave the million dollars I loaned myself for my campaign, because I know if I can get this bill, H.R.4134, through the House of Representatives, Big Tobacco will refill my campaign cash drawer! I hope I can get ALL of Big Tobacco’s cash-only members of Congress to sign my bill and together, we can slip this into law before I’m exposed,” said Representative Black, a long-time bureaucrat who sides with conservatives in order to conceal her true identity.

Eliminating Big Tobacco’s competition by heaping taxes and regulation on small Mom & Pop tobacco shops is something Representative Black hadn’t even though of before Big Tobacco contacted her legislative staff (one of whom has VERY close ties to Big Tobacco players, wink, wink). But once Black understood the cash involved, she decided siding with Big Tobacco instead of small business and jobs was the best course for her personal gain. After voting to CRUSH small business tobacco shops because you can roll your own smokes there, Representative Black will introduce legislation to open year-round hunting season on unicorns, abolish high-definition cameras in Congress, and make it a Federal offense to sing in the rain.


Okay, Rep. Black, there’s my draft. It’s the best I can do without your input. We’ll wait to see your changes before sending it out.

TWITTER FACEBOOK ARMY: Your mission is to continue talking to your local members of Congress via all the channels we’ve been using. Anecdotally, more than a few members of Congress are hearing us and tell us they know what Rep Black is doing is sinister and evil. They won’t be signing onto her bill, and in fact, they’re trying to convince some who have to jump off that crazy train. Have a great Sunday, friends and we’ll see you online!


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One thought on “News Release for Rep. Diane Black

  1. Lenny Laketek says:

    The Beeotch got the law passed and hundreds of people lost their jobs last week in Tennessee when dozens of small tobacco stores where ordered closed. Way to go Rep Black! Now she is on TV saying that Congress shouldn’t get paid until a budget is passed. How stupid does she think her constituents are? Well, actually, they are.

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