Introducing the iPhone 5! (Not really)

Rumor: Is this the next iPhone?

Today’s Message: @LawmakerXYZ and Rep Bill Shuster, you still haven’t killed the #BigTobacco Bailout. What R U waiting 4?

If Congress did to phone companies what they’re trying to do to tobacco’s roll your own industry, what you see above is what the iPhone 5 might look like.

It’s true! Stay with me:

It wasn’t long ago that Ma Bell controlled a monopoly. If you wanted to make a phone call, they were the ONLY game in town. Buy a phone that wasn’t Ma Bell’s; go to jail. Start your own phone company; go to prison. Ma Bell and their friends in Big Government made laws and regulations that ensured no one else was allowed to play. Eventually, people wised up and the courts broke up Ma Bell and its ridiculous regulatory scheme. Today, that means Bobbie Sue, Joe the Plumber, or even George Renome can invent, produce, and sell phones or network services to their heart’s content (within FCC regulations, of course). Heck, I know a bunch of people who don’t even use hard-wired phone services anymore because mobile phones have come so far! But if the courts hadn’t stepped in and Ma Bell had been allowed to be the only game in town, we’d still be stuck in the dark ages with rotary dials, party lines, crappy service, and high prices (Hey wait, we still have the last two… – LOL).

Still with me?

Big Tobacco is today’s Ma Bell. They’re the only game in town. You want a smoke? You have to buy Big Tobacco’s products. What if you want to blend and roll your own tobacco? Big Tobacco says NO WAY! And who does Big Tobacco have on their side? You guessed it. Fighting for Big Tobacco and against roll your own services are the same members of Congress who take HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of dollars in campaign contributions from Big Tobacco each year.

Hello Congress. I’m Big Tobacco, and I come in peace.

SO… Big Tobacco has bought a few is working with members of Congress to foreclose your opportunity to roll your own smokes with dangerous legislation currently in the highway bill. The legion of lobbyists Big Tobacco pays millions of dollars to each year, is pushing H.R.4134 and the Senate-passed provision authored by Senator Max Baucus (D-Montana) to hike taxes and regulations on any establishment that uses a manual cigarette rolling machine. They want to reclassify smoke shops as “tobacco manufacturing facilities” and use adjacent tax and regulation to CRUSH small operators out of the custom smoke business.

My children LOVE Cookie Monster

Even today, groups of people representing the American Wholesale Marketers Association are visiting their members of Congress on Capitol Hill, pining away about the virtues of the Big Tobacco bailout (H.R.4134) asking members to support it. WHY are Wholesalers teaming up with Big Tobacco? Because they’re the middleman between Big Tobacco’s mammoth manufacturing plants and retail outlets. Billions of smokes in billions of cartons are stored at wholesaler warehouses until they’re sold. Big Tobacco is holding an iron maiden over the Wholesalers Association’s head saying (use Cookie Monster voice), “You support HR4134. You ask Congress support, too. Me hungry for cookies.”

Okay, enough for now because I’m just getting worked up over Big Tobacco’s next event on Capitol Hill. Shield your children’s eyes from tomorrow’s blog post because I just learned some new information about one of the congressmen we thought was on our side (pay attention Ohio folks). Wow, I’m just getting pissed and tired of how many people Big Tobacco is trying to buy off.

– GR

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